THE IMPACT OF CHILD SEXUAL ABUSE

THE IMPACT OF CHILD SEXUAL ABUSE IS ALL ABOUT RELATIONSHIPS. THERE ISN'T A SINGLE RELATIONSHIP THAT IT DOESN'T IMPACT ON!

THE BIGGEST IMPACT IS ON TRUST. IF YOU CAN'T TRUST HOW CAN YOU MAINTAIN A RELATIONSHIP? YOU EITHER AVOID THEM, SABOTAGE THE GOOD ONE'S YOU DO HAVE OR FIND YOURSELF IN DESTRUCTIVE RELATIONSHIPS WHICH RE-VICTIMIZE YOU. ************************************************************************************************************** The long-term effects of child sexual abuse CFCA Paper No. 11 – January 2013 This is a very good paper published by the Australian Institute of Family Studies, which you can access on the following link: https://aifs.gov.au/cfca/publications/long-term-effects-child-sexual-abuse/introduction ************************************************************************************************************** THIS IS WHAT THE PAPER HAS TO SAY ABOUT THE IMPACT OF CHILD SEXUAL ABUSE ON INTERPERSONAL RELATIONSHIPS ############################################################################## «««««Interpersonal outcomes»»»»» There is increasing evidence that children who have been abused, and in particular sexually abused, have greater difficulties with interpersonal relationships and especially trust compared with non-abused individuals. Given the betrayal of trust and violation of personal boundaries involved in child sexual victimisation, this is not surprising. In addition, the secrecy and often the fear of exposure creates a sense of shame, guilt and confusion that disrupts the child's "internal working model" according to which we all interpret the world. This affects how children and then adults understand and construe the motives and behaviours of others, and how they handle stressful life events. Medical and neurobiological research is throwing new light on the mechanisms underlying atypical and over-reactive stress reactions (see below). ############################################################################## «««««Intimate relationships and parenting»»»»» There is some evidence for greater difficulties in interpersonal and particularly intimate relationships among adults who were sexually abused in childhood. These include increased instability in relationships, more sexual partners, an increased risk of sexual problems and greater negativity towards partners (Isley, Isley, Freiburger, & McMackin, 2008; Roberts, O'Connor, Dunn, Golding, & ALSPAC Study Team, 2004). Qualitative research including reports from women, indicates that pregnancy, childbirth and motherhood can trigger difficulties, emotional distress and lack of confidence and self-esteem (Sperlich & Seng, 2008). In a large-scale longitudinal prospective study in England, the Avon Longitudinal Study of Parents and Children, Roberts et al. (2004) reported that after adjusting for other childhood adversities, child sexual abuse was associated with "poorer psychological well-being, teenage pregnancy, parenting behaviours, and adjustment problems" (p.525) in their own children. The mothers' anxiety and lack of confidence in parenting mediated the association between child sexual abuse and the perceived quality of their relationships with their own children and their children's adjustment. In a smaller US study, the association between child sexual abuse and parenting outcomes (including parental stress, feelings of competence and discipline strategies) disappeared after accounting for the mother's depression and the current partner's violence (Schuetze & Das Eiden, 2005). There is little research concerning fathering after childhood sexual abuse, but sufficient to indicate significant concerns among such fathers in relation to them being over-protective, nervous about physical contact with their children, and being fearful of becoming abusers themselves (Price-Robertson, 2012a). Fatherhood for some may be a "healing experience", but for others it may represent "a catalyst for the resurfacing of trauma" (Price-Robertson, 2012a, p. 4). The implications are for appropriate awareness and sensitive support and services for these men. ############################################################################# «««««Re-victimisation of child sexual abuse victims»»»»» A large body of research has focused on the relationship between sexual victimisation in childhood and later "re-victimisation" in adolescence and adulthood. The research in this area has expanded its conception of re-victimisation from an initial narrow focus on the risk of future sexual assault (Shields & Hanneke, 1988; Wyatt et al., 1992; Stevenson & Gajarsky, 1991) to include a range of different types of traumas and victimisation experiences across a child victim's lifetime (Banyard et al., 2001). Research in this area has used college and community samples as well as specialised (e.g., psychiatric inpatients, outpatients and incest group members) or convenience samples (Widom, Czaja, & Dutton, 2008). Most studies have used cross-sectional and retrospective designs; very few studies have examined the risk of re-victimisation longitudinally. There has also been little attention to possible gender differences in re-victimisation. Some earlier studies reported no association between child sexual abuse and the risk of later victimisation (Briere & Runtz, 1987; Mandoki & Burkhart, 1989). More recently, Widom et al. (2008) examined the relationship between child abuse and neglect (including child sexual abuse) and re-victimisation, in one of the few large-scale prospective long-term studies. Spanning a wide range of traumatic and victimisation experiences, this study found that victims of multiple forms of childhood abuse and neglect were most at risk of lifetime traumas and re-victimisation experiences. Victims of child sexual abuse (in the absence of other forms of abuse or neglect) were only marginally at greater risk of re-victimisation compared with a comparison group and were not at any greater risk of re-victimisation compared with victims of other types of childhood abuse and neglect. This study also specifically examined the effect of gender on the risk of re-victimisation, reporting that overall women with a history of childhood abuse were more likely to experience trauma and re-victimisation in adulthood. However, when it comes to sexual re-victimisation specifically, although both genders were at greater risk compared with the comparison group, the risk was significantly stronger for men with a history of childhood abuse and neglect.7 Overwhelmingly, however, the findings of other research suggest that victims of child sexual abuse are generally at an increased risk of re-victimisation.

THIS IS ME, AGED 16. THIS IS THE CHILD THAT CONRAD ABUSED

It's easy to forget when you come across historical accounts of child sexual abuse and you see an image of the adult survivor that the crime was not perpetrated against the adult you see now but the child the adult once was. ********************************************************* IF YOU WERE ABUSED BY CONRAD MAINWARING OR YOU HAVE ANY INFORMATION THAT WOULD BE OF INTEREST TO THE POLICE, GO TO THE POLICE NOW! ********************************************************* OR, IF YOU WANT TO CONTACT ME IN PRIVATE, PLEASE SEND ME AN EMAIL AT: 'stopconrad@outlook.com'

ONE IN SIX - KEY FACTS

I've borrowed these facts from the 1in6 website. It's very important that any boy or man who has been sexually abused reads and understands these key facts. Why, when someone is abused are they left with all the guilt and shame and tend to believe that, somehow, they are responsible for the abuse? We are not! The responsibility, the guilt, the shame belongs to the abuser, who perpetrated this vile crime. We need to give these back to the abuser, where they belong! Please check out the 1in6 website. There is lots of good information for victims and friends and families of victims. If you live in the USA, this is the website for you. Start your journey from 'victim' to 'survivor' to 'thriver' today and begin to take the power back! I'm not a fan of labels, they tends to dehumanise and depersonalise us but, hopefully, you get the idea. We are, actually, people like anyone else who just happen to be abused as children. We are just as capable as anyone else. In fact, by surviving such experiences we are stronger, more compassionate and more wiser than most! ************************************************************************************************************* KEY FACTS: • Boys and men can be sexually used or abused, and it has nothing to do with how masculine they are. • If a boy liked the attention he was getting, or got sexually aroused during abuse, or even sometimes wanted the attention or sexual contact, this does not mean he wanted or liked being manipulated or abused, or that any part of what happened, in any way, was his responsibility or fault. • Sexual abuse harms boys and girls in ways that are similar and different, but equally harmful. • The sexual abuse of boys has nothing to do with an abuser’s sexual orientation. • A boy abused by a male is not necessarily gay, nor was he abused because he’s gay, nor can the abuse make him gay. • Girls and women can sexually abuse boys. The boys are not “lucky,” but exploited and harmed. • Most boys who are sexually abused will not go on to sexually abuse others.

IT IS CONRAD'S BIRTHDAY TODAY

This is a very significant day for me as it is Conrad's birthday, the day my abuser was born. I wonder sometimes what makes a person turn out like this? I guess we will never know. What I do know is that unlike other European countries and the USA, the UK has no statute of limitations applying to serious sexual crimes and I will do everything I can to bring him back to the UK to face me in a criminal court. My justice can be your justice! If you are a victim of Conrad and you live in the USA and under the statute of limitations in your state, he cannot be brought to justice there then help me to bring him back to the UK to face justice in the British Courts. If you are prepared to make a statement that can be used in the British Courts then please contact me at stopconrad@outlook.com. I am a lone voice in the UK, though I doubt I am his only victim here, so I need your help!

I took the photograph myself whilst on holiday this summer in North Wales. This represents me standing alone all these years, strong but damaged and the rainbow in the background represents the 'light' as the lighthouse had it's light distinguished years ago, like me, by Conrad. Those that stand with me are my light and my hope. Together, united by our pasts, we can be strong together. We can take the 'light' back that Conrad stole from us all those years ago! I WILL KEEP ON FIGHTING FOR JUSTICE, NOT JUST FOR ME BUT FOR EVERYONE..

SAFFRON LANE ATHLETICS STADIUM - DID CONRAD ABUSE ANYONE ELSE HERE?

This is Saffron Lane Athletics Stadium in Leicester, England, where Conrad abused me. I wonder, did Conrad abuse anyone else here? For everyone of us he abused he created multiple victims. Families, friends, partners, and even those who knew him who he did not abuse directly, who may now be left pondering what if that was me? I don't want revenge or to get even, I just want justice for all his victims and to see him answer for his crimes. I can't do this alone and I need people to stand with me and take back the power we surrendered to him all those years ago! If anyone wants to communicate with me privately, I can be contacted at stopconrad@outlook.com. KEEPING UP THE GOOD FIGHT!

BREAKTHROUGH MOMENT!

I was so grateful to make contact over the weekend with 2 fellow victims of Conrad Mainwaring and to actually speak to one of them on the phone. Thank you so much for reaching out to me and contacting me. Even though I know now what Conrad did to me was wrong, it took me such a long time to see it for what it really was, SEXUAL ABUSE OF A MINOR. Conrad was such a master manipulator, that even when, years later, I came to realise that what he did to me was wrong, I still made excuses for him. Without Conrad, I might never have become a runner and later a cyclist and triathlete, competing at an elite level. I always told myself that I have so much to thank him for that, perhaps, the abuse was the price I had to pay. Right up to this weekend, I still, at some level, wanted to believe that I really mattered to Conrad, and that is why he chose me, because I was special. Well I learned this weekend from the 2 people who contacted me that Conrad had admitted to them that there was no special training, study or master plan, and he was just molesting and manipulating us, pure and simple. This has really helped me to see things much more clearly. Conrad had no interest in us whatsoever apart from using us for his own ends. I realise now that we meant nothing to him. With this realisation, I took my dog out for a walk on Saturday night. I was listening to Cyndi Lauper 'True Colours', on my headphones. I find the words to this song, especially moving and when I play it I always pay attention to them. I suddenly started shaking, tears filled my eyes and then started to roll down my cheeks, my crying turned into wailing. Jodie, my beautiful Rough Collie (Lassie dog) jumped up and licked my face/tears away. The tears stopped flowing and I suddenly felt at peace. It was like this bit of Conrad that had remained inside me for all these years had finally been exorcised! Healing is a long process and breakthroughs can occur quite unexpectedly. This breakthrough would not have happened if it wasn't for the courage of those who were prepared to share their experiences with me. Together, we are stronger than any Conrad, and this new strength that I have gained makes me even more determined to get JUSTICE, especially for those who are no longer with us like Victor! These are the lyrics to the song below: You with the sad eyes don't be discouraged oh I realize it's hard to take courage in a world full of people you can lose sight of it all and the darkness all inside you make you feel so small But I see your true colors shining through I see your true colors and that's why I love you so don't be afraid to let them show your true colors true colors are beautiful like a rainbow Show me a smile then don't be unhappy can't remember when I last saw you laughing if this world makes you crazy and you're taking all you can bear you call me up because you know I'll be there And I see your true colors shining through I see your true colors and that's why I love you so don't be afraid to let them show your true colors your true colors are beautiful like a rainbow If this world makes you crazy you're taking all you can bear you call me up because you know I'll be there And I see your true colors shining through I see your true colors and that's why I love you so don't be afraid to let them show your true colors true colors true colors are shining through I see your true colors and that's why I love you so don't be afraid to let them show your true colors true colors are beautiful like a rainbow

TYM DESANTO'S BLOG

This is what I read on that blog, before adding my own comment a few days ago: Blogger The Other Dr. G said... Tim - Speaking of the UK, I have some Conrad Mainwaring gossip for you! April 5, 2011 at 7:43 PM Blogger brian harris said... Hello Tym I noticed a reference here to Conrad Mainwaring, who also goes by the alias Avondale Mainwaring. He has abused many boys and young men, some of whom are my friends. While eternal justice awaits him, justice now, in history, for the victims, would be a good thing. I would be grateful if you had information re him/his whereabouts. Most Sincerely - Brian April 2, 2013 at 6:38 PM Blogger K said... Brian Harris, I remember him well. I've heard similar sordid stories about him. A close friend of mine was a victim. Google search says he's now working at WESSCO International in Los Angeles. June 26, 2013 at 10:18 AM Blogger K said... BTW, I knew him from Syracuse University (1980s) June 26, 2013 at 10:20 AM Blogger Unknown said... Yes, he got me too in Syracuse, I just flashed on it today, he was a crafty SOB. I am surprised that it has not caught up with him yet. Serial sexual predator, but he was not violent, he really f'd my mind! I am cool now but I pray for those who were not as good at compartmentalizing as I was. November 30, 2014 at 7:07 PM Blogger benhearns76 said... Conrad Montgomery Avondale Mainwaring, during the time I and others knew him (and for several years' after), was (and may still be) a serial predator. In some cases, he did this in the name of God, courtesy of a very superficial and manipulative version of Christianity. He has done untold damage to scores of young men, some of whom I've spoken to you. For a brief season, he got his fangs into me. If anyone on this thread, or recently entering it, would like to communicate about this, I am here as a resource. I have also been in touch with this man, who admitted everything. Most importantly, his reprehensible actions, no matter how vile, do not need to be the final word over a man's life. March 25, 2015 at 1:43 PM Blogger unknown said... He coaches track in LA. He goes by Coach A or Coach Avondale. Assuming he follows the same schedule he did in the past few years, he coaches around 6am at the UCLA track on weekdays (he is not the UCLA coach). Sounds like he is still doing the same things he has always done. June 23, 2015 at 9:53 PM Blogger Freeman inJC said... I had the unfortunate distinction of being molested twice and, also, brainwashed (under the guise of a pseudo-Christianity) by Conrad Mainwaring (aka "Coach A" or Avondale Mainwaring) both at Colgate University and Caltech University in the late 1980's. In tracking him down and confronting him years later after being compelled to action by the testimony of a lawyer who was molested by him at age 12 (unspeakably horrific) at Camp Greylock, in Massachusetts, Conrad Mainwaring admitted to everything, and to molesting dozens of other boys/young men. One (Victor as his first name) tragically went on to become an addict and commit suicide in the early 80's after being molested by him, also at Camp Greylock. In my confronting him, Conrad claimed the abuse stopped several years ago (ca. 2003), and that he has been seeking healing and restoration since then, by God's grace. Of course, God alone knows. The victims know the incredible damage he wrought, in some cases using a twisted form of Christianity as his bait. If anyone reading this has been wounded by this man, feel free to share your story or contact me. In my speaking with Conrad Mainwaring a few years' ago now, it was not clear to me if his repentance was real, or just words. Talk is cheap, and faith without works is dead. I hope he has been seeking true forgiveness and restoration (though, to my knowledge, he has not reached out to most of his victims). I do hope he finds grace before it is too late, and that we as the victims would not be bound by the past, difficult as it was. There is a bright future for abuse survivors provided we can work through the after-effects (PTSD, shame, etc), and related fear and self-hatred that accompanies being abused, especially if done by someone we trusted or looked to as a mentor, religious teacher, what have you. One key for me has been to restore my image of God and myself, which had both suffered greatly through this man's actions. Peace - B June 30, 2015 at 9:33 AM Blogger Stopconrad said... I knew Conrad in the 70s from his days in the UK. I even went with him to Camp Greylock in the USA in the late 70s. I also made a full statement to the police in the UK nearly 20 years ago about what happened to me. Unfortunately, he had settled in the USA by then. The police in the UK did send me a letter, which I still have, stating that they were writing to the US authorities, informing them about this person so he could be kept an eye on. This kind of gave me some peace, and left me thinking "what else could I do?". I was so disturbed to read this blog and learn of so many people who have been abused by him since I reported him to the police. So much for keeping an eye on him, and he is till coaching in LA. Unbelievable! How has he got away with it for so long? Has nobody reported him to the police in the USA? There is a Facebook page 'stopconrad'. Anybody can contact me there or in complete privacy at stopconrad@outlook.com. We must stand together from both sides of the Atlantic to stop this man. The UK and the USA have stood together against many threats so let's show Conrad that we are united and get justice for Victor and ourselves. With the letter I still have, if it can be proved that somewhere some authority had information about Conrad and did nothing then I would be only too happy to provide this evidence if it helps anyone. September 23, 2015 at 6:08 AM

HOW I FIRST MET CONRAD & WHAT HE DID TO ME

This is Conrad Mainwaring. He was a prefect and, I believe, Head Boy of the City of Leicester Boys Grammar School in Leicester, England, a medium sized city in central England (East Midlands). My first connection to Conrad was that I went to the same school a year after Conrad left, so I did not actually know him then.

In 1976, I started work as a Saturday assistant in a sports shop in Leicester city centre, and it was here that I first met Comrad. He was a local athlete of some repute, who competed for Antigua and Barbuda in the Montreal Olympics. He visited the shop regularly and the manager used to give him free sports goods to promote the shop.

He befriended me as a 16 year old, and persuaded me to come and train with his personal squad of athletes at the council run Saffron Lane sports centre. Over the course of the next year, he convinced me that he was doing some sort of psychology study for a masters or doctorate in psychology and that I was his subject. He made me feel really special. After training, he would take me out for meals and we would have 'chicken and chips' at a city centre Chinese restaurant. I also visited him at his parent's home, where he lived. I remember him showing me all his regalia from the Montreal Olympics. To me, at the time, he was an amazing man! He told me he was also a trained physiotherapist, and after training all his squad members would receive physio. We weren't allowed to call it a massage.

As part of this study, which made me feel so special, Conrad would get me to reveal my sexual activities, focusing mainly on masturbation. He would persuade me to abstain, and then report to him how I was feeling and anything that happened to my body as a result of this abstinence. He would also sexually stimulate me when he was giving me 'physio' both physically and mentally, controlling when and how I became sexually aroused. There was never any skin to skin contact, it was always over sports clothing.

When he stopped giving me all this attention, presumably he had found a new victim, I felt devastated. I felt like I didn't matter anymore, and was no longer special. Even so, I went with Conrad and 2 other members of his personal squad from Leicester to Camp Greylock in America in 1978, where we were camp counsellors.

It wasn't until my mid 30s that I began to realise that I had been sexually abused by Comrad and eventually this realisation led me to walk into the police station in Huntingdon, Cambridgeshire where I was serving at the time in the Royal Air Force to make a full witness statement on 24 October 1996. By this time Conrad had been living in the USA for many years and no action was taken by the police. However, the Leicestershire Police wrote to me on 1 May 1997 stating that they "will notify the relevant authorities in America, so that they can monitor MR MAINWARING in that country.

I was driven to report him primarily to stop him harming anyone else even though it was 20 years after what he had done to me. At the time I though, what else can I do? It gave me some peace at least.

Unfortunately, my life has not been easy, and a certain set of events resulted in old wounds being opened up. In 1996 did the internet even exist? Certainly it was not what it is now. That is when I came across Tym Desanto's blog:

http://tymdesanto.blogspot.co.uk/2011/07/villa-gets-makeover.html

To be continued.....